Written by Justin B. Jones. Photo by Kathy Elliott (his momma).

Here’s the exact moment I knew that the new Watchmen series was going to grind my gears: The opening scenes feature a silent movie with a black man as the hero. In this alternate universe Lou Gossett Jr., in a wonderfully warm but menacing performance, describes going to a silent movie seeing a 15 foot tall black man, Bass Reeves specifically, tearing off his black hood after capturing evil klansmen in their white robes, and saving the day to the applause of an all white audience. This is supposed to be 1921. In our actual history Bass Reeves was a real bounty hunter and occasional sheriff who was the rumored inspiration for the Lone Ranger, a fictional white man that wore a black mask. What in the Birth of a Nation is going on here? Now I love me some speculative fiction but what happened to make white people stop being racist long enough to put the blackface down and put a black face on film? In our timeline white people are still struggling with the blackface. The idea of the first Black superhero was blowing minds two years ago but Bass Reeves got a biopic in the 20s? HBO’s Watchmen vexes me so much because it's apparently about Black people and I can’t help but wonder: why?

Full disclosure, while my love of comics is well documented, I’ve always hated Watchmen. On my 12th birthday my mom started my graphic novel collection with two books: The Dark Knight Returns, an operatic Batman novel, and Watchmen. I was the last standing comic geek in North East Baltimore after the anime invasion of Y2K and I was the perfect angst filled fertile mind where the seeds of Alan Moore’s Anti-Thatcher style nihilism could blossom. But they didn’t. They really didn’t. Watchmen, From Hell, V for Vendetta, Supreme, Alan Moore’s comics really don’t be hitting like that in the streets. Dude’s a bummer and Watchmen is the gold standard of downer comics. My Black ass didn’t need that shit. There was too much X-Men to read.

After I looked at the cast of this new series, though, what else could I do? Regina King, my nigga! Yahya Abdul Mateen II (RIP Black Manta’s daddy) and Lou Gossett Goddamn Jr.? And it's not like I hate Jeremy Irons. There’s some phenomenal acting, cinematography, and sound design in here that is easily on par with the best of WestWorld and Game of Thrones. A lot of people worked really hard to tell an interesting story, and in that regard it is in no way a failure. That story, tho…

The show opens with one of America’s greatest atrocities: the burning of a prosperous Black community in Tulsa, Oklahoma, by a white mob.The community was known as Black Wall Street because its residents were financially prosperous in the face of segregation and racism in the 1920s. Watching it burn from the perspective of a child in a painfully detailed recreation is triggering. We then skip everything that happened in that dreary comic plus 30 more years and we learn that Robert Redford is president of the United States and he gave all the black people in America reparations. A bunch of those black folks in Oklahoma became cops for reasons. All of the cops of color have to wear masks for their protection because an organized group of white supremacists attacked all the cops in their homes on the “White Night”.

Let’s clear something up, Hollywood: Black cops are not going to solve racism no matter what Spike Lee and Common tell you (what is up with Chicago rappers and bouts of aggressive conservatism?). I’m not sure what weird mix of insecurity and narcissism leads to regularly dehumanizing everyone that doesn’t look exactly like you. That’s y’all trauma to work through. The fact of the matter is that racism is white people’s problem. Black people’s problem is usually white people, which is something the show only touches on once in its best episode, episode 6 “This Extraordinary Being”. It’s wonderful. You should watch it. Its the only episode actually feels like the graphic novel. It was too little too late, tho.

Watchman has a ton of interesting ideas but it really doesn’t bring them together to say anything, really. That opening scene goes out of its way to draw parallels between the destruction of Black Wall Street and the destruction of Krypton (Superman’s homeplanet) to say that Black people are superheroes? Black Americans are going to save the country? Masks make people feel bad? I honestly couldn’t tell you. In the end, I’m imploring all people of color to borrow a friend’s HBOMax login and watch this weird ass show. Please. I’ve stared into the abyss and I can’t look away. I honestly need someone else to watch this show just to see if I’m crazy. So many questions. So much confusion. So much blue dick. So much…

Cops Aren't Superheroes: a Watchmen Review